so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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