the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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