Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
