Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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