Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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