..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
