My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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