My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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