I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
