My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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