I need to stop coming to work sober
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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