Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize