i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
