It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
