Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
