It's never too late to be topless.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
