I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize