At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
