My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize