So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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