once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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