I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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