..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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