I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
