About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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