THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
