i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
