you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
