dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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