please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
