i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
