so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
