Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cockslap morals
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
