you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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