People in love make me want to vomit
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
