So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
