I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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