idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
