Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
