I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
