Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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