We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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