i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
