We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
