ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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