You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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