At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
