ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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