so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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