I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
