Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
