watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I want is dick and wine.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
