i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This is my gift to your gina
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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