I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
