chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
