finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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