Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
