hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
