Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
