You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
