I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
