Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
