You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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