It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
