"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
