I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
