overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
