Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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