Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
