Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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