I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
