fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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