you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so let's talk penis.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
